Dear People Smoking Pot in the Park

Guess what? I see you and I don’t care about what you’re doing. You seem to be preoccupied with making sure I don’t see what you’re doing and I think I’m being pretty obvious that I don’t care. I mean, I’m not shooting daggers with my eyes at you; or looking your way and sighing loudly looking indignant; calling the police on my cell (not that they would care either). You think you’re being sneaky by hiding up the pipe with your hand and turning your head away from me, but you’re not. I totally see you…AND I DON’T CARE! You probably think I’m too old or too square to know what you’re up to. Ha! Fooled you.

My question to you is why do you care if I see you? Clearly, you chose to come to this park with your cute dogs that you’re not being nice to at all, and get high. Can’t you see that those dogs want to run around and play? Too bad you’re too stoned to get up and run around with them. Instead you’ve tied them to the tree you’re sitting under while smoking weed from a pipe.

Another question I want to ask is why aren’t you at work? I’m at work. Well, technically, I’m at lunch, but I was at work this morning and I’m going back to work after I eat lunch at this park where you’re smoking pot. I mean, you look like adults so you probably have a job, right? You can afford to buy pot and a fancy pipe. Plus you have two big dogs. They look well fed so you must have money to buy them food…and pot. It’s Tuesday at 11:30 in the morning…Go to work! Be productive! And smoke pot at home like normal people. What is the appeal of getting high in a public park?

Final question; why are your pants buckled BELOW your butt instead of at your waist? Hasn’t that terrible fashion trend gone out of style yet? Nobody wants to see your skid marked underwear (his didn’t actually have skid marks, but you know where I’m coming from.) You look ridiculous.

Moral of the story: Don’t go to a park to smoke pot unless you want to be seen by a middle-aged woman who doesn’t care that you smoke pot, but totally knows what you’re up to and who will judge you based on how you treat your dogs and wear your pants. The end.