It’s a hard knock life

I’m the only one awake at 5:30 a.m., but not to worry.  I’ll fix that real quickly.  Just a little lick to Dad’s eyelid is all it takes.  Dad grumbles awake and I race him to my food bowl.  “MEOW!” (Watch out!  Don’t step on me!)  He can be careless in the morning and sometimes he forgets to feed me.  I must make sure that doesn’t happen.  “MEOW!”  That’ll get his attention.  Oh wait, he’s heading for the machine that makes black bitter liquid first.  Unacceptable!  “MEOW!”  That’s


right, me first then the bitter black stuff.  Yum, I love the food here, but he doesn’t need to know that so I’ll only eat half of it this morning then gobble the rest down when he’s not looking.  Time for a quick pee and poop.  Can’t forget to wash my face and paws after breakfast.  I’m bushed (Yawn!)  It’s probably time for a nap.  Where’s my noisy, plastic bag?  Oh, here it is, on this little bed.  Perfect!  A few quick circles to make sure everything is in order then off to sleep.

8:30 a.m.


Huh, what?  What’s that gawd-awful noise?  Oh, it’s Dad with that noisy suction machine.  I hate that thing.  It’s so noisy in here I can’t sleep.  I’m outta here; time to check out what’s happening on deck.  Ohhh! Look at all the birds.  I love calling the birds.  “Chhiirrrp, chhirrp, chhiirrpp” (Here birdy, birdy, birdy).  Birds these days, they’re such a tease.  I wonder what the neighbors are up to?  Maybe I’ll sit here staring at them for a while to see if they look over.  The sun feels nice.  Maybe I’ll just settle down right here for a quick nap.

10:15 a.m.

“Meow, meow, meow.”  Where is everybody?  Oh hey, Dad.  Didn’t see you two feet away from me.  So you’re working outside now?  Great, I’m going down below to get some shut-eye.  Try to keep it down, will ya?

12:30 p.m.


Boy, that didn’t last long.  I’ve only been asleep for a couple of hours and now you’re back inside making more noise.  Oh wait, it that cheese you’re slicing?  Is it lunchtime already?  “MEOW!” Yes, please.  Thanks for offering.  Yum, the orange stuff.  I love this stuff.  How about some of the sliced turkey I saw you eating yesterday?  Hey!  I’m ready for another piece.  I’m over here!  How could you miss me?  I’m literally right under your nose.  That’s better, thank you.  Is that all I’m going to get?  Cheapskate.  I think I’m going to clean my paws again then settle in for a nice looong nap.  Where’s the “do no disturb” sign?

2:00 p.m.


Unbelievable!  Not a moment’s peace!  I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this, but you’ve given me no choice.  I’m going to the V-berth for some serious sleep.  You do not want to see me when I’m grumpy so please be quiet!

5:00 p.m.

Ahhh!  Now that’s what I call a nap people!  “MEOW!”  Where is everybody?  Oh hey, there you are Mom and Dad.  What’s up?  Is it dinnertime?  No?  Ok, I’ll just crunch on some hard food to tie me over.  Anybody up for the Noisy Bag Game?  Mom’s such a sucker.  I’ll pretend to play the Noisy Bag Game by myself and she’ll come over to play with me.  Yep, here she comes.

10 minutes later:

That was a blast!  We should do that everyday!  I’ve really worked up an appetite.  Please tell me its dinnertime.

6:00 p.m.

What are you guys doing up there?  I can’t see what’s going on.  I’m going to jump up on the counter to supervise.  Oh, that smells good.  Ok, I should taste that before you guys eat it all.  What?  Why am I back down on the ground?  This is bullshit.

7:00 p.m.

That was delicious.  Next time just put some in a bowl for me then I won’t have to try to take it right off your plate.  How do my paws get so dirty?  It’s time for another bath I guess.  Whoa, I’m sleepy.  You guys clean up while I take a quick nap.

10:00 p.m.

What time is it?  Bedtime already?  Fine by me.  Hey, scoot over.  You know I always get the edge of the bed.  Just a few circles to make sure everything is in order.  See you guys in the morning.

Almost Civilized
Clock is ticking...